In His Sails Read online

  My hands glided over his hips and down his side, playing over his stomach and then back up to his chest. “At least we’ll have the memories,” I said.

  Chapter 11

  It’s been six months since I was last in Nambucca.

  David and I promised that we wouldn’t text or call each other. We decided that the two weeks was so amazing, we didn’t want to let reality swoop in and take that away. We’d both gotten something we needed that summer. We both needed to feel that connection. But he might have moved on by now, found himself a new girlfriend that he could take on his boat. He deserved that.

  I wasn’t ready to move on. I didn’t think anyone could live up to that moment I had with him. I didn’t want to try. All I wanted to do is call him, hear his voice. See him, have his arms around me. He’s still all I thought about, even six months on.

  Since I left, I’ve been travelling up and down the coast of Queensland doing odd jobs here and there for quick cash. I didn’t buy a house with the money, I couldn’t decide on one place to stay.

  Instead, I bought a boat. It’s not a sailing boat like David’s. It’s a houseboat, a little apartment that floats. I can go anywhere I want. I feel free. Free enough to travel wherever I like.

  Now that it’s winter I decided to head back to Nambucca for a quick stop. I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do or not. But it was such a nice place, with nice memories. I smiled.

  It wouldn’t hurt to see him again. Just once. Either way, I could get him out of my head. For better or worse.

  I moored my boat at the marina. The same one where David kept his boat docked. I saw it in the next row, shiny and bobbing in the water as if saying hello. “Hello, Drummer Boy,” I whispered. “Nice to see you again.”

  I walked to the beach. Even though it’s winter, there were some people sitting on the sand, huddling into each other for warmth. I wondered if that would be me later.

  Butterflies danced all over my skin as I walked, almost skipped along the sand, casually eyeing everyone I passed, hoping to see him.

  So far, no luck. I walked to the lagoon area and sat on our rock. Pete’s name had been crossed out with white paint. It seemed Caitlin wasn’t going to be with him forever anymore. I wondered what happened to them.

  I picked up my phone and hovered my finger over his name. I couldn’t call him, could I? Maybe I could be casual, just ring to say hi. That wouldn’t be too much, would it?

  I doubted myself. Even doubting coming here at all.

  A cold breeze whipped my hair across my face and I headed up to a group of shops on the far side of the beach to get out of the chill. A small bookshop was open, a sign in the window said it was celebrating local authors and featured a row of books. Each of them piled high like little bricks, with the top most one standing up, its cover beckoning readers to buy them. I didn’t read many paper books anymore, but I looked at the row it had highlighted.

  Immediately my gaze stopped on one of them with a familiar name.

  Never The Drummer Boy, by David Carlton.

  He wrote the book he was talking about. I went inside, grabbed a copy and paid for it at the counter. The blurb read it was a novel about the one who had got away. Lost love. “A real tearjerker” one review quote on the back read.

  I took the book to a nearby coffee shop and dove into the pages.

  Immediately my heart felt like it was being squeezed with an ice crush. It was about his ex girlfriend, Jennifer. Not me. He was still in love with his ex. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. Of course it would be, why would I have thought anything differently? We’d only had two weeks together. That didn’t constitute a whole book written about me.

  I took another sip of coffee and pushed the hurt from my mind. I kept reading as if knowing how he felt for someone else, would somehow be enough for me to get over him.

  I was only a quarter of the way into the book, when a shadow of someone standing to my left, jolted me out of the story.

  “Mia?”

  It was him. David. Oh my god.

  My heart jumped and then did two somersaults before landing back in my chest.

  He sat down at my table. “What are you doing here, in Nambucca?”

  I eyed him up and down. He looked thinner than when I’d last seen him. “You finished your book.”

  He paused. “I did.” He looked down at the table. “You?”

  I frowned. He didn’t look happy to see me. I don’t know what I expected, but this, awkward conversation, wasn’t it.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  He looked back up at me. Small worry lines etched in his forehead. “I’m fine. Just surprised to see you here.” His eyes skimmed his book that I was still holding in my hands. I folded over the corner of the page and placed it away from me. He cringed.

  “I was just passing through,” I lied. “Thought I’d stop for coffee before I headed on my way.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Well, I won’t hold you up then.”

  My voice squeaked in my throat. “You going already?”

  “Well…” He looked out of the window of the shop. “I really should.” He wouldn’t meet my gaze and stood up. “It was nice seeing you again.” He turned and walked away from me, disappearing out the door without a glance back.

  My lip trembled. All the expectations I had from seeing him again came crashing down on me. He acted like I was a casual acquaintance. Someone he couldn’t wait to get away from. He even seemed annoyed that I was here.

  I left money on the table for my coffee and ran back to my boat. I was shaking. I felt humiliated. Why did I even think coming here was a good idea? Was I mad?

  Chapter 12

  I didn’t leave right away. Couldn’t. My mind was too topsy-turvy to think about sailing away in my state, I’d probably crash, sink and drown.

  I took a deep breath and told myself to get a grip. I’d gotten my answer. That was what I came here for, after all.

  It was nearly two a.m. when I finally finished his book. I had been in it after all. Just one paragraph at the end. Nothing I could consider my fifteen minutes of fame. Even though this wasn’t about notoriety, I simply wanted to see if I meant something to him. Something enough to mention me. I shook my head. I was being needy and selfish.

  It was a half thrown away paragraph, simply mentioning a brighter future made possible by a blonde-haired woman who gave him hope that he’d be able to find someone new. At least I’d given him that I suppose.

  This was crazy. I was crazy. I didn’t understand why I even cared. It was just two weeks. A fling to help us both forget. Except I hadn’t forgotten. Couldn’t get him out of my mind.

  I slept late the next morning, dragging myself out of bed at around ten.

  Lucy would give me advice. She’d know what to do. I picked up my phone and dialled.

  “It’s natural, Mia, considering your situation,” she said.

  “What situation? There’s nothing wrong with me. Except that I’m fixated on some guy I met six months ago.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  “Because I’m crazy?”

  I heard her cluck her tongue. “You’re not crazy.”

  “He must think I am.”

  “Remember back when you met him. You were all upset.”

  “No I wasn’t.”

  “You were upset. Your father had left you all, and so you sought the first male attention that you came across and grabbed it with both hands.”

  My lip trembled. “You know it wasn’t like that.”

  “Wasn’t it? You needed some fun. It was good for you. But that’s all it was. Enjoy what you had. He sounds like an asshole, you deserve much better. You said he wasn’t your type anyway.”

  “I guess.”

  “Don’t make more out of this than it needs to be. You had a two-week stand. A holiday fling. Which can be awesome. And it was. But you can’t make it more than that.”

  I frowned. I knew she was right. “Yeah. I sho
uld leave here. It was a mistake.”

  “Come back and visit me. I miss you. We’ll go out and find some new fun. Meet some new people.”

  I shifted in my chair. Meet new people. That’s exactly what I didn’t want to do. But if it helped to get the crazy out of my head, then so be it.

  “Okay, I’ll leave this afternoon. See you soon.”

  I’d already packed the boat up and was ready to leave. My mouth was dry and I was craving my regular caffeine fix. I was positive that David wouldn’t return to the same coffee shop, and they did have good coffee there. Fine - I’d grab a cup to go, and be back at my boat in less than twenty minutes.

  As I was standing at the counter waiting for my order, someone behind me cleared his throat. “You’re Mia, aren’t you?”

  I looked around to see a tall, broad shouldered guy standing to my side. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t immediately place him. “Yes. I am.” I blinked at him, waiting for him to say something more, so I could remember where I knew him.

  “Thought so. The chick Dave was with over the summer. What are you doing here in Nambucca in the Winter?” He told the shop girl his own coffee order and turned back to me. “Not many tourists here when it’s cold.”

  Realisation struck. Of course. He was David’s friend, Ben. One of the other lifeguards. “Just passing through. I’ll be on my way in the next half hour or so.”

  “You should catch up with Dave while you are here. He’d like to see you.”

  I scoffed. “I saw him yesterday. Didn’t seem as if he was pleased to see me at all. He was quite rude actually.” My coffee order was ready. I opened my purse and handed over a note, getting coin change in return. “But it’s fine. Like you said, it was a summer thing.”

  He grabbed his coffee order at the same time I did, determined to follow me out of the shop. “He doesn’t know what he wants. He thinks the only reason he’s attracted to you is because of Jen.”

  I snorted and shook my head. Another reason I shouldn’t have come here. He was obviously still in love with his ex. “Good for him, but if you’ll excuse me.”

  “No wait.” He grabbed my arm as I stepped past him. I glared at him and shook my arm out of his grip. “Ah, sorry. I just meant, you should wait. Talk to him.”

  “And why would I do that?” I began to feel a bubble of annoyance and perhaps even anger rise in my stomach.

  “Because if he’s wrong. And you aren’t Jen’s half sister then …”

  I shook my head. “Jen’s half sister? What are you talking about?”

  “Shit, I just told you. He thinks you’re Jen’s half sister. That you and her have the same father or something like that.”

  “I’ve never met the girl. I have no idea what he’s talking about.”

  “Exactly. We all told him he was nuts. But he insisted it was true.”

  “Why would he think a ludicrous thing like that?”

  “Dunno. Said when he was researching his book, that he found out her father and yours were the same.”

  “Well he’s not a very good researcher then, is he. My father never had any other children, or any other families.”

  “Sorry. Anyway, you should still talk to him.” He touched me on the shoulder again before nodding. He held my gaze for a few seconds longer than necessary and then turned and walked away. I stared after him, wondering what ridiculousness he was talking about.

  Chapter 13

  “Mum, I need to ask you questions about Dad.”

  I could feel her hesitate on the other side of the phone. “What is it?”

  “Did he have another family? When he was with us. Is that why you never married?”

  She laughed. “Oh hardly. No of course not. I would have known about that.”

  “But he was away a lot. Could he have had children with anyone else? Could I have a half sister? Is that possible?”

  “Mia, your father, as much as he had his faults, was never unfaithful to me. No. You do not have any secret siblings running around; I can assure you of that.”

  “But would you have known? He might have kept that from you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I knew him. He wasn’t like that. I don’t know where you got such a crazy idea from, but there is no way it’s possible.”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay. But I need to ask him myself. Just to be sure.”

  “If you must. But you’ll find that this idea of yours is unfounded.”

  After I hung up from mum, I scrolled through my contacts, hovering my finger over Dad’s. I hadn’t spoken to him for months. The last time I did, we’d had a huge argument over his new girlfriend. I took a deep breath and dialled.

  “Mia, where did you get such a crazy idea?” he asked.

  “Someone I know did research and said he found out that me and another girl, named Jennifer, had the same father - and that father was you.”

  “Ridiculous,” he said. “I never ever cheated on your mother.”

  “Then why would he think that?”

  “I don’t know, love, you’ll have to ask him that yourself. But I swear that I would never hurt your mother that way. I swear to you.”

  I hung up and my hands were shaking. I knew David was wrong. And I was going to tell him that, right to his face. I was furious that he would make up such stories about me. The more and more I found out about him, the less I wanted him now. He could go to hell for all I cared.

  I stalked out onto the pier, looking for his boat, hoping he was on it so I could give him a piece of my mind, then I could leave this place forever and never return.

  He was on his boat. Standing on deck looking right at me.

  I threw my shoulders back and headed in his direction.

  “You’re completely wrong,” I yelled when I was close enough for him to hear me. I didn’t care who heard. “I don’t care what you do with your life, but telling people I’m the half sister of your dead girlfriend is flat out wrong and you need to stop.”

  His teeth ground together and he looked away from me. “You don’t understand.”

  Before I knew what I was doing, I had made my way onto his boat, and was standing in front of him. “Of course I don’t understand. Why would you think that? Why are you making up stories about me? What is wrong with you?”

  He looked back at me, his eyes had a darkness about them. “You have to be her sister. It’s the only logical explanation.”

  I snorted again. “Logical explanation? Explanation for what?”

  “For the fact that whenever I look at you, whenever I’m around you. I don’t think of her anymore. I can only think of you. Of how much I want to kiss you, touch you, feel you, be with you. I thought she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, that I’d love her forever. But it’s you I think about constantly. You I want to be with. Now my feelings for her seem so … insignificant.” He struggled to get out the last word. “So you have to be part of her, you can’t be someone new. Because that meant I never really loved her, that my feelings weren’t as strong with her, as they are with you.”

  Chapter 14

  I couldn’t stay on his boat a minute longer. I ran as fast as I could back to my own. Panting to catch my breath. What was he saying? That he loved me? That wasn’t possible. It was just a holiday fling, that’s all it was for both of us. I should do what I was going to do before I saw him, and get out of this crazy beach town.

  I slammed the door to my houseboat to shut out the sounds. Held my hands over my ears, I didn’t want to hear those words from him. I had just started to get over him. No. No, not like this.

  The revelation that he had feelings for me, didn’t lesson the fact that he’d been rude and he’d made up some crazy story. I didn’t care for his explanation. He was obviously far too damaged, and far too obsessed with his ex to get involved with. I didn’t need that. My life was still screwed up. I still didn’t have a job, I had no stability in my life.

  I rubbed my face in my hands. They were damp
. I was sweating.

  I could make it back to Sydney in a day if the conditions were right. Do what Lucy suggested, have some fun, meet new people. Anything to get away from here, away from the screwed up mess I felt just being here.

  There was a knock on my door.

  Please don’t be David. I didn’t want to face him.

  “Mia, we need to talk.”

  I yelled through the door. “About what? About the fact that you think you can only be attracted to me if I’m half Jennifer? I can’t compete with a dead girlfriend. I don’t want to.”

  “I know. I was wrong. I convinced myself that you had to be. It was the only way I could explain how I was feeling. I’m so sorry.”

  I opened the door. My fingers were trembling. “Why are you here? I thought you didn’t want to see me again?”

  He was breathing heavily. “You can’t leave. Not like this.”

  “We had a holiday romance. That’s all it was.”

  He moved closer, and I could feel my heart beat quicken. “Is that really all it was?”

  “Of course.”

  He stepped closer again, and my heart felt like it was going to thump out of my chest. “Because if that were true, then I could get you out of my head. But I can’t. You’re all I think about.”

  He was too close. Close enough to touch, close enough that if I lifted my head and looked into his eyes, I could lean forward and kiss him. I kept my head down.

  “Do you think about me, too, Mia? Is that why you are here, in Nambucca?”

  I would not admit that was the exact reason I was here. Not to him. Not now. “You are still hung up on your ex.” It was all I could think to squeak out.

  “No. That is the whole point. I’m not. I’m over her. I didn’t want to be, because I thought it was tarnishing her memory. But I can’t be. Because I’m hung up on you.” He lifted my chin, and stared deep into my eyes. I knew my lip was trembling, so I bit down onto it, to stop myself from wanting him. It didn’t help. I wanted him to kiss me so bad right now.